On being used and being spoiled

So J, a girl that I know from my last job in Fargo, just told me that her friend who lives here in the cities is moving back in with her parents to catch up on finances, and J feels uncomfortable staying at her friend's parents' house when she comes down here to visit (about once a month). She asked if she could stay at my place one weekend a month. I really don't have any problem with hosting a friend for a weekend, but only if it's planned and I am actually hosting someone who is here to visit me! This is rather awkward, because J flat out asked if she could get me to make duplicate keys for her to come and go as she pleases while staying here. I tend to stay pretty busy on the weekends. I always have a lot of errands to run and projects to work on, usually out with Jon or at his house all weekend anyway. I do not want to have to change all my weekend plans every month for someone who asks to stay at my place just to visit someone else. That's almost bordering on insulting. The way I see it, I'm being asked if I can be used. This is like the time J asked me to drive her to the cities when I was coming here to visit Jon, and I had to wait like an extra 1 or 2 hours to hit the road coming home on Sunday night because she was out shopping with her friends and wasn't ready to leave with me! I really love helping friends out, but I really don't like feeling like I'm being used, and I feel like this is what she tries to do to me, even if she doesn't mean it or realize it (I doubt she does).

I don't believe J tries to use me on purpose. I think that she was treated VERY well as she was growing up (read TOO well), and was maybe a little bit spoiled, and now expects to get her way all the time, and only WANTS things her own way. When things don't go her way, she takes it far too personally, and that is sad. I don't want her to feel insulted when I have to say that I can't "host" her when she wants to visit her friend, but it just isn't feasible! It has nothing to do with any personal feelings I have towards her! I wish she understood that! I feel kinda bad because she seemed upset when she finally gave up on asking me to have duplicate security keys made and whatnot (which I CANNOT do!)

I am not a hotel. I am not Mom and Dad's house where you can just check in and then run around all weekend with your friends while totally ignoring the people that are actually going out of their way to make a place for you in their home. I guess she is still rather young... I think not quite 22. Maybe she just doesn't understand that it is not really very polite to do this to people - that it puts them in an extremely awkward position, and then even when I explain WHY I can't do it, she gets upset and tells me I should just say "NO I DON'T WANT YOU HERE" which is SO not the case!!! She can't understand. But she also doesn't understand that you just shouldn't invite yourself over to people's homes like that! Wait for an offer! If someone CAN do it, they WILL, and they will let you know! Instead, I am left feeling so awkward and irritated for being dragged into one of these sophomoric "arguments" which is more like me explaining actual reasons it can't happen, and her being pissy because she is too selfish to understand that I have my own life too.

Why I like Live Journal

My previous post was me feeling upset and not having anyone to talk to at the time. I let all my frustration out in my LJ, and now I feel a lot better! I got it off my chest, and now I can move on. I guess this is why I like any kind of journaling, but this way I have yet another excuse to stay on the 'puter! ;)