Left Brain, Right Brain

Jon had to work full-time for the last 3 weekends before this Easter weekend. I felt bad for him because it clearly sucked, even when he was able to do some of the work from home. But he's a real trooper, always does whatever needs to be done to get the job done. People depend on him. The networks depend on him. But anyway, since he had worked all these weeks and weekends with no real days off, he gave himself Thursday and Friday off (he was still on-call, but nothing much came up, so that was great.)

Last night, Jon told me that he ALMOST brought me flowers at work while he had those 2 days off! He didn't do it, of course, because we are trying to be extra stingy with our money so that we can buy new appliances for the new house without making too much of a dent in our budget. But he did tell me the little speech he thought about delivering with the flowers, something silly like, "Here are some sex organs that have been ripped from some plants. Please accept them as my gift to you, and you will be able to watch them slowly wither and die on your desk." HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAH!!! (So maybe some other girls would not like that, but I find it utterly hilarious - and SOOO perfectly Jon.)

Ultimately, even though he never actually brought me flowers on Thursday or Friday, just knowing that he was thinking about it meant a lot to me, and really gave me a big smile last night when he told me about it. I guess it really is the thought that counts. ^_^ In fact, it made me even happier that he decided NOT to buy them, because I'm usually the one who's been more tight with money! He has actually started getting really good about saying "no" to buying unnecessary toys and stuff lately, and I'm super proud of him. ^_^

Hooray for thoughts of flowers! @}-- awwwwwww....

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It's so twue. ^_^

We need to pick a new last name. Jon and me. We aren't taking my last name, we aren't taking his, and we aren't keeping our own names. We need a new one. But I have NO idea where to even start. He wants something Russian. He is not Russian. He's never been to Russia. We don't have anything Russian in common. I, on the other hand, am part Bulgarian, and very proud of that part of my heritage. He doesn't want any of my family's Bulgarian names. He doesn't even want a Bulgarian name unless it is the same word in Russain.

Yeah, ok, I know he has some strange affinity for things Russian, but what's RUSSIA got to do with ANYTHING? Nothing. Well, except my dad's mom was from a family that was from Germany, but they went to live in Russia for a time before coming to America. The Germans From Russia are a special breed though. Not quite Russian, not really the same as "regular" Germans. Think knoephla. Think Schmeckfest. Mmm.... or anything to do with that German-Russian food. I miss my grandma. :(

And the Russian words that I did look up for Jon, he didn't like. He is asking for translations of pretty complex ideas. Those words are too long. Simpler concepts, the words are too short or not "cool" enough for him or something. Frankly, I don't care what we pick for a last name, as long as its something we can both agree on and be happy with. I just wonder if that will be possible at this rate! lol

Heh - Jon is in Lincoln, Nebraska right now. He is on his way to a suburb of Denver, Colorado to buy a new car. This all came up 2 days ago.

He has been looking to buy an R32 for several years now. The GTI that he has now was kind of a "good enough" version that was affordable and a lot nicer than the Metro, and more efficient than the Expedition. But he has been watching prices of R32s all the time, and just this weekend he was getting interested in one in Florida that had a supercharger and all this other racer-boy crap added on. The price was pretty decent, but there were a lot of weird things about it that didn't feel right.... the dude selling it didn't have the title - said he had never transferred it over from the guy HE bought it from... weird. Other stuff like that. I don't know. I just got a really bad feeling about it, and what if Jon went all the way down there only to find a lemon?? Ugh.

So then he found one in Illinois that looked like kind of an ok deal, but again, it just didn't feel quite right. And there really wasn't a clear answer between the two of them. The only sure thing was that they both looked like better deals than what he would get here in the Cities. But stilll... :-/

So I prayed. Not to a "god" or anything like that, but I just kind of prayed that the events of the next few days would play out in such a way that Jon would not end up making a decision he was not SURE about, and I prayed that if he really was going to buy an R32, he would find a deal that would feel RIGHT and SURE.

The next morning, Jon told me he had found "the one" in Colorado. The price was great, it didn't have any unneccessary mods that would void any warranty, it only had 5,000 miles on it (that's right, FIVE THOUSAND), and the guy selling it offered $13.1K on a trade in for his GTI! This is unheard of. Jon's friend who works at a dealership here in the Cities said the most he could possibly give Jon was $10K. The MOST.The guy selling the R32 is a wholesaler, and is selling the car for a friend of his who is a slightly older, rather wealthy guy who just decided he didn't want it after all. So the thing is about as close to brand new as you can get, still has TONS of warranty coverage, is selling for peanuts compared to anywhere else we've seen (I wish I could remember what he said the price is. $29K or something)... and he is getting a better trade-in value than he could have ever hoped for!

So anyway, Jon will be leaving Lincoln bright and early tomorrow morning, arriving in Englewood sometime in the afternoon, and buying the car. (The seller also offered to pay for a night's hotel stay and at least one tank of gas for the drive back! Holy crap.) Looking at this all in writing, it is starting to sound almost TOO good to be true. I hope there are no problems. Of course, with the way I let my worrying get out of hand sometimes, I can't really even afford to start down that path of thoughts right now. (Jon knows how I worry, and he called once from Des Moines, and then again when he had entered Nebraska. And then he said Hi online when he got into his hotel with free wireless.)

ANYWAY, I am up past my bedtime yet AGAIN, and I have to have lunch with a bunch of the NBU managers tomorrow, so I don't want to be too groggy and tired. *yawn* (-o-)

Last year, for Memorial Day weekend, Jon and I went to Wisconsin Dells to play at the Kalahari Resort and Indoor Water Park, and we also drove to the House on the Rock, which is WAY neater than I can describe. It was a really fun time. We also played miniature golf somewhere in there that weekend.

This year, we're not sure what to do, but we have talked about taking a weekend jaunt out to New York City. Who does THAT?? No one that I know of, but we just might try and pull it off. I think we could, but it might take an extra day, which would cost us, since we have both thrown all our Vacation days into Burning Man later this summer. I could cheat and use a sick day, but Jon's work recently switched over to a PTO system, which means vacation days and sick days are taken out of the same pool, so he would actually lose a paid vacation day that could have been used for Burning Man.

Anyway, I think it would be a fun adventure to take a whirlwind weekend trip out to The City, but I'm not sure if we are going to do it or not. If we do, I'll post more about it here in one month. (Because Memorial Day is May 30th.)

OMG I need to name my computer, and then I need to get more computers and name them too. Yeah.

I am up past my bedtime again. This whole weekend has been messed up as far as sleeping goes. And I've been gassy as a mofo - not just loud and fun, but NASTY and STANKY too. Either I have been eating too much dairy or some other food that is not being digested properly (maybe I should be paying more attention to what I'm eating here...), OR I am getting sick. I hope it is not the latter.

Went to poker night with some Veritas people on Friday night, bringing Jon along with me. It was a $50 buy-in for half a dozen people, and Jon won!!! Well, he won $200 and the second-place winner got $100. (I didn't play that game. But I did play in a $10 tournament after that. Got some really good hands, but still lost. Oh well - still fun! I believe Jon took 2nd place in that tournament, but it was a winner-take-all payout.) Fun night. Didn't get home until 2 am! And the best part is that the Veritas guys really liked Jon, and they are putting him on the email list for future tournaments. This is great because they are good people, good players, non-smokers, and just generally in a better position in their lives than some of the people he's been hanging out with lately. One person in particular is falling into a lot of serious problems, and Jon is pretty sick of dealing with all that crap. I can't go into detail about it, but it is very seriously NOT something cool at all. (I'm as sick of it as Jon is, probably more actually, and I'm happy to do anything I can to help grow his social circle, like introducing him to people from my work that he would get along with.)

OK, goodnight. I'll sleep on what to name my computer. I'll have to think of names for Jon's 'puters too, and his server will also need a name.

Bought my ticket to Burning Man yesterday. Now that I know Jon may very well be an annoying drunk the whole week, at least it will not shock me. I plan on avoiding him as much as possible if he decides he wants to drink. .... but I hope he doesn't.

I still think the desert is a place that is perfect for cleansing. I hope he figures it out in time.

Last year it was so cold all week. Near the end I sprawled out in the hammock hoping to warm up in the rare sunlight, and forgot to put on sunscreen. Bright red belly and a little bit sick the next day. Slept for hours in the truck. Ick.

I am not feeling well. Rather distraught, actually. I thought I was angry, but now I'm not sure if it's that or frustration or sadness or WHAT. Maybe boredom? Somehow it always seems that I tend to go a little bonkers on my days off (like today) when I don't have an extremely rigid schedule to stick to. I almost prefer being at work to days like this.

I just want to get OUT OF HERE. When I say that, I don't know if I mean out of this room, out of this town, out of this life or what. I just feel like somehow I need to escape something. It is a distressing feeling. I don't feel hopeless, but more like I am fully capable of doing what I need to do for myself but I CAN'T because I am trying not to upset any other balances that may hinge on any of my personal actions. Does that even make sense???

Honestly, I don't really think I even have a point here. I just feel so generally frustrated and upset that I need to vent a little bit, and this was pretty handy since I am dinking around on the computer ALL THE TIME anyway.

I felt really bad this weekend when Jon was here. I got that same feeling that I get once in a while that I'm just not very much fun for him. He denies that, but what if he is just being polite? What if he is IN denial and doesn't realize how dull I really am compared to someone like him??? Seriously, what can he see in me? What is so appealing about me? He is so creative and colorful in his life, and I am just so boring and bookish and DULL. I still wonder if he really even knows me. What he thinks he knows about me. What he has fooled himself into believing about me.

Why do I still find myself plagued by these same doubts again and again? Why don't they stop? Why do I feel so insecure regarding him and me? Why haven't I felt this pathetic in relation to anyone else EVER?? God I wish it would stop. I want everything to go away. I want to start over somewhere. Maybe it will help if I can get my own place sometime hopefully soon. I am really a pretty private person, I like having my private space and all that. Maybe that day will come again soon. Maybe when that happens I will be able to get everything back in perspective. All I feel like doing lately is just holing up in my room, hiding out in my own little space. Hell, that's really all I've felt like doing since I moved in here. It's the closest I can get to having my "own place" right now. It's not that I have a problem with Inga, she's a great girl, but somehow I can't seem to funtcion properly unless I'm alone a hell of a lot of the time.

Where am I going with all this? I just seem to keep rambling on and on with no end in sight. I'm sure I'll stop typing soon, since I have to go to bed like 10 minutes ago.

I found 7 apartments on Apartments.com in Roseville and New Brighton so far. They are really nice. Some of them are almost what I'd call amazing. A few are 2-bdrm 1.5-bath, but no 2-baths. Still, all under $900. I have also been tossing around the idea of still getting a place all by myself. Inga suggested both of us moving into her friend's old place but it's an older place in Minneapolis, which I'd really like to avoid if possible. Her original plan was to go to the cities after school anyway, I had made up my mind to go to the cities quite a while ago independently too... Maybe it would be better if we did just split our paths this fall and strike out seperately? I have a specific area I would prefer to be in so that I can be closer to Jon and closer to the job I hope to get in Shoreview. Plus, I really do like the northern suburbs... it's a pleasant area! Inga has her people and her connections down there that might be in different areas, and that's ok too. I guess she has her reasons for wanting to be in certain places, and I'm not going to force her to stay away from those. I don't know. We'll have to talk more about it and figure out what would work best.

Well, I better get to bed. I have to work Friday-Monday and then I get Tuesday off. I hate these stupid working weekends. At least I get paid tomorrow. *sigh*...

Good night world.