Left Brain, Right Brain

Today when I went home for lunch, I noticed that DHL had left an "attempted delivery" notice on the door of the building. "Oh boy!" I thought. "This could be the crochet hooks from Ebay!" Upon closer inspection, I realized the DHL note said they were attempting to deliver to an apartment number that was one digit differnt than mine. OH NO!! I assumed that the seller from Ebay had mistakenly put the wrong address on the package! And they would not deliver to the Rental Office because this particular note required the signature of the ACTUAL person getting the package! And I didn't know how to fix the situation! ACK!!! Panic time! Panic time!!! Dive, dive!!!

Well, then I grabbed a pencil and wrote down the tracking number from the note, plugged it into DHL-usa.com, and realized that it was from Gateway and REALLY WAS supposed to go to another apartment in my building, with a number that was one digit different than mine.

WHEW.

So there, I started to panic for no reason. That should really teach me a lesson, but somehow I don't think I'll ever FULLY learn. I think it's just part of who I am to kind of start freaking out immediately... Although I've gotten better at taking steps to get more information and stop the freakout.. I used to just spiral out of control, and that was AWFUL.

Ah well. Baby steps...

OK, when I was younger, I used to journal sporadically. It always felt like a chore. I'd open my little book and write what happened during the day. Bleh. Well, sometimes it's interesting to go back and read it, but kind of pointless. For the last few years, I write when I feel like it, and it usually ends up on a legal pad or in some random notebook that I find laying around the house, or on here. But instead of trying to force myself to just recount the events of the day, I just muse on what I am thinking about or feeling. It's a lot easier to do (sometimes) and definitely feels better. Cathartic. Although I do sometimes just write down the events of the day, it's only when I feel they have been emotionally charged for me in one way or another, and I need to get them out of my head and on paper (online?) so that I don't have to carry all that emotion with me into the night. So.

Sunday night I was SO upset about something, and I couldn't find my little notebook that I try to keep with me so I can jot down things that come to me during the day. That was SO upsetting. So I had to grab a legal pad that I found and just write a couple furious pages out so I could sleep. (The computer was off by then, otherwise I would have written it here.) Sure enough, I felt WAY better after getting it all out on paper, and the next morning I had no worries or frustrations on my mind. I feel sorry for people that don't know the therapeutic benefits of journaling.

Time to go make a tuna melt. With Frank's. Mmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

It's a good thing I'M NOT a major pot head. Sometimes I feel far too paranoid anyway, and life would be simply intolerable if I was paranoid to that degree any more often than I already am.

Actually, I'm starting to realize that being paranoid is really a self-centered way to be. I mean, when I think about it, for someone to think that everyone else is constantly thinking about them, judging them, whatever... well, that's really unrealistically giving yourself a hell of a lot of credit. Most people have a lot of better things to do than think bad things about ME, or actively avoid me just because they find me so intolerable. I would think that if anyone really did think or feel anything bad about me, they would say it to me. Realistically, I can't be so important as to be an all-consuming thought in someone else's head at all times, especially bad thoughts. God knows I don't waste all my time thinking bad things about anyone else, or constantly judging any one person. That would be silly. Just like being paranoid is silly.

I should stop worrying so much about things... not that I'm worried right now, but in general. Because when I do let it happen, the unrealistic worries that I plague myself with are just useless, wasteful, and just basically self-destructive. I don't need to do that to myself.
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I wonder who it was that did a dance version of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran? I love this song... And strange enough, I also really really liked that dance version sung by some girl. It was on one of the mix CDs that we used to play in the lobby when I worked at the theater... I'm going to look for that... find out who sang it... download it... and LISTEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Am I obsessive in a bad way?