Thoughts on Paranoia

It's a good thing I'M NOT a major pot head. Sometimes I feel far too paranoid anyway, and life would be simply intolerable if I was paranoid to that degree any more often than I already am.

Actually, I'm starting to realize that being paranoid is really a self-centered way to be. I mean, when I think about it, for someone to think that everyone else is constantly thinking about them, judging them, whatever... well, that's really unrealistically giving yourself a hell of a lot of credit. Most people have a lot of better things to do than think bad things about ME, or actively avoid me just because they find me so intolerable. I would think that if anyone really did think or feel anything bad about me, they would say it to me. Realistically, I can't be so important as to be an all-consuming thought in someone else's head at all times, especially bad thoughts. God knows I don't waste all my time thinking bad things about anyone else, or constantly judging any one person. That would be silly. Just like being paranoid is silly.

I should stop worrying so much about things... not that I'm worried right now, but in general. Because when I do let it happen, the unrealistic worries that I plague myself with are just useless, wasteful, and just basically self-destructive. I don't need to do that to myself.
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I wonder who it was that did a dance version of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran? I love this song... And strange enough, I also really really liked that dance version sung by some girl. It was on one of the mix CDs that we used to play in the lobby when I worked at the theater... I'm going to look for that... find out who sang it... download it... and LISTEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Am I obsessive in a bad way?

Eureka

I have found it. Ordinary World was redone by Aurora. I found it, downloaded it, and then only listened once. It wasn't as super awesome as I was hoping it would be. I think by the time it finished downloading I wasn't as interested in hearing it anymore.
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I helped Jessica from work pack a few boxes this eveining. She sang and played on guitar two songs that she had written. I was nothing less than floored. She was absolutely amazing. I damn near cried. The music was that good.
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Poor Inga is getting paranoid about leaving stuff around the house or being a bother to me or something. I feel bad that she feels bad somehow. I don't know why ... maybe because I spend so much time in seclusion... locked here in my room.... but that's what I DO! lol I'm just private like that. I really have always liked having my own private space like that... I don't do it to get away from her... I only do it to be by myself! It has nothing to do with anyone but only me... I hope she can understand... It's nothing personal at all... I just like being by myself a lot... I mean, I lived alone for 7 years straight! You get to liking a certain way of existing, a certain level of alone-ness... that's me. That's all. It's what I like. I like being alone with me pretty much most of the time, especially down-time, when I'm at home, after work in the evenings or whatever... I really really don't want Inga to feel bad...