Decompression sickness

[amberica]

I decided to come to work at 9 this morning instead of 8. Why? Because I was tired and cranky and didn't want to wake up in time to get here by 8. Plus, I reasoned to Jon as I was getting ready, I usually stay about 15-20 minutes late anyway, so it all evens out in the end. I think he is going back to work today, probably this afternoon. I invited him to come have lunch with me here in the cafeteria. I don't have any leftovers in the fridge at home and don't know if I feel like making something from scratch for lunch today.

And yet, even though I took my time waking up and made sure I felt nice and not-rushed when I left the house, something is not quite right. I got here just before 9am, and it's only 10am now! How can time move so slowly?? Seriously, to repeat something I said yesterday, what did I used to DO here???

On the playa, I spent a lot of time relaxing in the shade, walking the city, chatting with people, and COOKING! My favorite part of Burning Man is food preparation. I love feeding people! Our friend Jesse spent a lot of time at our camp letting me feed him, so that really made me happy. When we got home, I did a lot of cleaning and putting away and organizing and cooking and list-making. This makes me happy. This makes me feel productive.

When I am here in my office, I spend a lot of time waiting for someone to email me with something to do. I spend a lot of time biding time. I do petty things that end quickly. The projects I do have, I don't enjoy... not in the same way I enjoy feeding people ;)

To me, this all adds up to tell me that I should be a housewife! I would have no problem with running a household full-time, for no pay. (Although it would be really neat to get paid for it!) The way I see it, running a house is just like running any other small enterprise. You have to keep tabs on all kinds of inventory, pay bills, keep the place clean and organized, keep records, work with contractors, etc, etc, etc... And someday maybe, there would be kids to work into that mix. There's a big portion of the day - keeping up with those...

I want to feel dirty and busy and happy. I want to be out in the sun during the day. I don't want to have to wear clothes that need ironing and shoes with heels every day, only to change into my "real" clothes when I get back home to my "real" life. I don't want to HAVE to wear makeup every day. I want to be able to wear as much or as little clothing or makeup as I want to feel happy. Sometimes I want to pile on so much makeup I look ridiculous but feel "pretty". Sometimes I don't want to wear a shirt. Or bra. Or pants or ANYTHING. Sometimes I want my hair to be all crazy looking. Sometimes I want to just wake up and wash my body and call it good for the day.

I want to have more time to be able to plan meals. I want to share more recipes with my relatives. I want to dance while I walk. I want to have more moments in the day where I have to stop... and LOOK... and say, "Holy shit, look at THAT!"... EVERY day.

Done rambling. Transmission end.

Comments

[amberskyfire.livejournal.com]

I just love working at home! :)
I can do anything I want all day - in my pajamas if I want - and only take the occasional call as it comes in. I can clean, play, watch TV or movies, surf the internet, read, take long baths, dance, sing, draw, or make things. I'll never go back to the regular job thing.

agreement

[lazysoftrain.livejournal.com]

I understand what you mean about the cleaning and cooking and being USEFUL. That's what it makes me feel. When I canned tomatoes, it felt GOOD. Shelving books is a good thing, but somewhat impersonal. Preserving food, and then, even better, opening it up and FEEDING people just feels good. And sometimes, when I get ambitious, I want a farm, like my mamma has, so I can try to keep critters alive, and a garden, and then use those to feed my people, while cleaning house (I love laundry) and keeping accounts current and going nekkid out to my clothes line if I feel like it.

yep.

my 2 cents.