Reader beware!
Jan. 26th, 2006 10:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ambericaI'm making this public, because I really don't care who sees it. That being said, some of you may not want to read it. Thus, the cuts.
Dear Uterus,
I thought we had a deal. I thought that in exchange for me putting fake hormones into my body (aka Birth Control Pills), you would be nice, and bleed only on specific days, reliably and predictably. We've been doing it this way for 12 years now, Uterus! Did you suddenly forget, or were you just bored with the routine? Because it is NOT COOL that you have been oozing brownish fluids at a slow but constant rate for the past week now. You KNOW that we aren't supposed to do this song and dance until NEXT week! (And I'll be damned if you decide to keep this up all this week and through our Moon Time!) What's the deal? Why are you playing these games with me? You had your time to act irregular and pissy before we went on the pill - right now I'm supposed to be calling the shots.
You're being a major pain in the ass, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd get back in line. I understand that the fake hormones are not cool either, but remember how much pain we used to have to endure every month before we had them? Don't make me consider stopping them. We're not ready to try having a baby, which I've heard is a good "cure," ..... and we certainly aren't ready for that pain again.
Please shape up.
Frustratedly,
Amber
Dear DivaCup,
Wow! You sure are a little hero right now! While Uterus is being a little pisser and not working according to our chemically-induced, pre-determined schedule, YOU are just saving the day! I may not have ever told you this, but I really don't like using pantiliners for these weird "spotting" days like Uterus is giving me right now. They stink! Even the scented ones just make me feel sweaty and smelly and gross. And I think it goes without saying (but I'm saying it anyway), that tampons would be out of the question right now, considering how light the amount of stuff is that little miss Uterus is giving me. Can we say, OUCH! CHAFED! Hah - you can't - you could never chafe or dry out my more tender parts. You're such a darling, DivaCup!
I never imagined that I'd need you at "odd times" of the month, but you have really saved my sanity. Now while you're doing your job, would you mind talking some sense into Uterus? I don't think she's going to listen to me at all. Then again, she probably won't listen to you either - although you've done a nice job so far of getting her to ease up on the cramping over the last few months I've had you! She's always been a little bit of a troublemaker... Oh well
Love Always,
Amber
Dear Uterus,
I thought we had a deal. I thought that in exchange for me putting fake hormones into my body (aka Birth Control Pills), you would be nice, and bleed only on specific days, reliably and predictably. We've been doing it this way for 12 years now, Uterus! Did you suddenly forget, or were you just bored with the routine? Because it is NOT COOL that you have been oozing brownish fluids at a slow but constant rate for the past week now. You KNOW that we aren't supposed to do this song and dance until NEXT week! (And I'll be damned if you decide to keep this up all this week and through our Moon Time!) What's the deal? Why are you playing these games with me? You had your time to act irregular and pissy before we went on the pill - right now I'm supposed to be calling the shots.
You're being a major pain in the ass, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd get back in line. I understand that the fake hormones are not cool either, but remember how much pain we used to have to endure every month before we had them? Don't make me consider stopping them. We're not ready to try having a baby, which I've heard is a good "cure," ..... and we certainly aren't ready for that pain again.
Please shape up.
Frustratedly,
Amber
Dear DivaCup,
Wow! You sure are a little hero right now! While Uterus is being a little pisser and not working according to our chemically-induced, pre-determined schedule, YOU are just saving the day! I may not have ever told you this, but I really don't like using pantiliners for these weird "spotting" days like Uterus is giving me right now. They stink! Even the scented ones just make me feel sweaty and smelly and gross. And I think it goes without saying (but I'm saying it anyway), that tampons would be out of the question right now, considering how light the amount of stuff is that little miss Uterus is giving me. Can we say, OUCH! CHAFED! Hah - you can't - you could never chafe or dry out my more tender parts. You're such a darling, DivaCup!
I never imagined that I'd need you at "odd times" of the month, but you have really saved my sanity. Now while you're doing your job, would you mind talking some sense into Uterus? I don't think she's going to listen to me at all. Then again, she probably won't listen to you either - although you've done a nice job so far of getting her to ease up on the cramping over the last few months I've had you! She's always been a little bit of a troublemaker... Oh well
Love Always,
Amber
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 11:22 am (UTC)I actually hope this IS my period. If I just spot for 2 weeks but never actually have Shark Week this month, that's fine by me! Unlikely, but fine.
Stupid pills.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 07:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 10:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 02:07 pm (UTC)