Boo-freaking-hoo

I did it - I went home from work and I actually cried for real, just like I said I felt like doing! I came in and put away my coat and purse, looked through the mail and told Jon about my day. I also warned him that I was feeling especially menstrual and might need to cry for no logical reason at all, and then I sat down next to him, leaned over and laid my head on his leg and just sobbed. I felt so stupid. I moaned a bit about the wedding: "I just want everyone to be HAPPY - waaah" and how NO ONE was happy except ME, and even *I* wasn't happy because no one else was (yeah, I know, that doesn't even make sense. Tell that to my uterus.)

After about 90 seconds, I finished my crying and went to take a hot bath. So. Got that out of my system. We'll see how today goes.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I STILL HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED SHOPPING FOR A DRESS. AAUUGGHHHH... ppptpphppbbbbbbbb

More squawking about wedding dress crap and the Were-Bride

Goddammit, my inner were-bride is coming back to life again. Thought I'd killed her off once and for all.

It's like an infection of my BRAIN. Suddenly I want a big ol' frilly fluffy white gown again. Gah! Why does this happen??? It doesn't make any sense at all. It's not even natural - it's just my subconscious reminding me that white wedding gowns have been the style for the last 150 years or so, and don't I want to be fashionable for my wedding? No!! I don't! I just want to be me! I want to be special! I want a dress that I can wear again and again! I don't want to waste hundreds of dollars on a one-shot wonder!

...and yet the inner were-bride does.

I'm battling her for control, and she is getting stronger. She first came to life after I got *THE DIAMOND*, much to my surprise, but I squashed her into submission in just a few short weeks. She popped in once in a while to voice her frilly little opinion, but I just nodded and told her I'd take that into consideration, along with all my other options. Now that the venue is booked and the date is SOLIDLY September 23rd (quick, mark your calendar!), and I've started looking at menu options and decorating ideas, well, the whole thing is suddenly getting a lot more "real" and it is giving my inner were-bride strength. She found out that there is a $99 sale at David's Bridal which ends on April 3rd, and she is considering driving me to Fargo this weekend so I can go dress-shopping with my mom. Ack. If I'm not careful, she might even drag me to the local David's Bridal to do some browsing this week.

It's not easy battling with a fluffy-chiffon-tulle-lace-sparkly WERE-BRIDE... she is getting really strong and persistent, and I think she's starting to win. :(